one of the biggest challenges that i'm already facing is exactly how i will measure success in my job. this weekend i graded the first quiz and was really frustrated. we hadn't covered anything too complicated, just nouns and latin roots. even though i reviewed the questions on the quiz with the kids in class RIGHT BEFORE THE QUIZ, a little less than half of them failed. this now means that i'll be holding review sessions this week to try and catch these kids up. i'm not really sure how to make things simpler, but i'll have to find a way.
my discipline problems are getting better. i've had to hold a few kids after class for visits. every time i talk to them i make a point to tell them something positive before i criticize. i want each of them to know that i'm glad they're in my class, even if there are some things we need to work on. so far the responses have been positive. they've cut down on the talking/outbursts and have been actively participating in class. i think that one of my boys had never had a teacher take the time to actually discuss issues and say something nice to him. he's like a completely different child. i plan on giving his parents a pleasant call this week.
in my TAKS class (juniors and senior who haven't passed the TAKS test), we spent all period friday discussing the future. it seems like a such a daunting task to get some of the kids to actually care about where they end up. i've tried to explain to them the lives they'll lead if they don't graduate from high school. a part of me wants to use financial motivation, but i hate the idea of teaching kids to view things from such a narrow perspective. i want them to learn the intrinsic value of knowledge, but it's just so foreign to many of them. they see life in terms of survival, and they'll work only for what they truly need.
a few of my kids have already opened up to me a lot in their journals and some of our conversations in class. entirely too many of them are struggling with adult issues like drugs/alcohol addiction, parenthood, imprisonment, etc. one of my boys i've been most concerned about was absent all last week and is in in-school suspension now. with kids like that, i just want to help them understand that there are people they can count on in this world and that things can change for the better.
i guess in the end i'll have to find my happiness in the little triumphs and just pray that they balance out my failures.
if you were ever mean to a high school teacher, look em up and apologize to him or her right now. this instant. the past two weeks i have learned what the word tired really means. i come home every day drained from performing for adolescents all day and teaching them where to put their apostrophes (the possessive form of "bus" is "bus's", not "buses", "galaxies'", not "galaxie's"). it always amazes me how their little brains work. they think i don't see them writing notes or that i can't hear them when they whisper. the best is when they think i don't get their completely inappropriate comments and jokes. "miss mahan, have you ever seen a wild turkey?".....hmmmmm, let me think about that my little hick boy. sure, i don't know that wild turkey is a kind of whiskey. i'm gonna walk right into that trap. nice try though. then there are the kids who skip class and give you a sheepish grin when you see them later in the halls.
"hello sir, where were you this morning?" "at my cousin's house" "oh really, were you sick" "nope" "then i guess i'll be seeing you after school to make up what you missed today." "yes ma'am"
it's been fun, challenging, trying and frustrating all at once. at least i can say i'll never have a dull day at work.
quotes of the week: "miss mahan, this is our favorite class. seriously." "man miss, creon is a busta." (while reading antigone) "aphrodite came from nut blood??"
the vast majority of whom are lovely. my school is quite ghetto, especially after having been in whiteytown USA (college station) for 5 years. (by 8:25 tuesday morning, i had already seen 3 pregnant girls.) but most of the kids seem to be excited about learning and really just looking for somebody who'll believe in them. there are too many hilarious quotes to remember every day. some examples: "man miss, now everytime i see a skirt i'm gonna think about writing an essay." "is your first name really miss, miss?" "we can't say stupid, retarded or shut up?? man, you can't say anything in this class."
they're a handful and a half. more stories and quotes to come. i'm tired.
tomorrow marks the first real day of my career. over the past few weeks i've heard lots of good responses to my ideas, my organzation and my classroom. it's been nice and helps me feel that i'm prepared for it all. still, there's a part of me that worries about how i'll do in the morning. it's not that i think i'll fall to pieces or lose control of my classroom. i'm just really afraid that i won't be able to stop smiling all day and that my sporadic giggles will make my inexperience entirely too obvious. either way, this time tomorrow i'll know for sure if i'm any good at this whole teaching thing. if you think of it, say a prayer for me tomorrow at 8:30, 10:17, 12:3, and 2:10.
so many people look at their parents and think "dear LORD do not let me end up like that." for me, the process is a little different - i'm looking at 40, 50 and 60-something year old english teachers thinking "i'll kill myself if i end up that bitter and angry." so yeah, my department isn't filled with the most upbeat people. i think some of them actually despise the kids they teach. i, on the other hand, am still full of youthful enthusiasm and naive optimism. tonight while i was talking over my plans for the year with my mom i began to doubt myself. maybe i'm expecting entirely too much from 10th graders, i mean they are only 15 years old. they have things like puberty and the opposite sex and teenage angst to contend with. how high of a priority will ms. mahan's 3rd period english class be?
but then, mom reiterated something i firmly believe. i HAVE to have high expectations of my students. it is imperative that i walk into that classroom tuesday morning anticipating intelligent, capable and lovable students. sure, some of them will be difficult or have difficulty with the material, but that's something that will be dealt with when it arises. if i walk in expecting them to know nothing and be disrespectful, then they will lower themselves to meet that expectation. on the other hand, if i begin the school year armed with my passion for my subject and the belief that all of my kids are capable human beings worthy of my respect, then most of them will rise to meet me. so yes, my class will be challenging and they will have to apply themselves to get an A.
these kids have had too many people doubt them and write them off as incompetent. i refuse to add myself to that list.
on a lighter note, these are actual quotes from my syllabus. man, i sound like an adult.
"All work completed in class must be legible – if I cannot read it, I will not grade it."
"Students are expected to be in their seats and ready to work when the bell rings."
"If you are absent, YOU are responsible for contacting me about what you missed."
"In this class we will be exploring a variety of literature from around the world. I hope that you will find the topics engaging and applicable to your lives. We will also be examining language as a function of culture and meaning while developing our own understanding through writing. Prepare yourself to consider multiple perspectives and to discover an exciting world filled with meaningful literature. I look forward to learning and growing together this year!"
and the kicker..... "Each student will be allowed 3 passes per semester. You may use these at your discretion, but know that they may be revoked if abuse occurs (i.e. taking 10 minutes to go to the bathroom)."
oh, and can i say that i have about 2.4 billion things to do before tuesday. wish me luck.
the one thing that will always be able to crush whatever sort of ego i may be developing is............drum roll please...........being seated at the kid's table. just when i thought i was becoming a real, live grown up i get demoted to eat with the teenagers and 3rd graders. apparently a college degree and a profession don't carry much weight in that decision. guess it's another reason for me to get one of those "husband" things.
i have stumbled into an entirely greater level of geekdom. today i finally purchased eats, shoots and leaves and i'm finding it captivating - to an unhealthy level.
"part of one's despair, of course, is that the world cares nothing for the little shocks endured by the sensitive stickler. while we look in horror at a badly punctuated sign, the world carries on around us, blind to our plight. we are like the little boy in the sixth sense who can see dead people, except that we can see dead punctuation. whisper it in petrified little-boy tones:: dead punctuation is invisible to everyone else - yet we see it all the time. no one understands us seventh-sense people. they regard us as freaks. when we point out illiterate mistakes we are often aggressively instructed to "get a life" by people who, interestingly, display no evidence of having lives themselves."
oh the joy. also on my new reading list is selling sickness - a book about the pharmaceutical industry and their disturbingly aggressive ways.
