it's eye gouging time!

if you're one of my oh-so-faithful readers, then you already know what the title of this post means. if you're new or maybe just a little slow, then let me enlighten you. yes, another dear friend bit the dust today and is now betrothed (i just like that word so much more than engaged). but really, they are a fabulous couple and i'm considering asking them to adopt me as soon as possible.

this just in....(i felt like using a broadcasting phrase other than "in other news", wow i'm clever and/or lame as hell) my week has been won-der-ful. it has been filled with smiling, loving my students/what i'm teaching my students, being a healthy little bugger, smiling, being content with my life while daydreaming about how it will be exponentially better quite soon, catching up with old friends, smiling, being evaluated and applauded by the director of my grad program, hanging out with my beautiful/kind/amazing sister, discovering new music and finally......GORGING myself on books. i have realized that i've gotten into the terrible habit of watching entirely too much television. so i have shaken myself from its glow, turned that damned thing off and re-embraced my true love. sunday night i read about 4.3 billion short stories by garcia marquez. it was like crack. (sidenote: insanely ecstatic over my students' appreciation of his writing.) tonight i went insane at barnes and noble. new additions include :

on the road - jack kerouac
the soul in love - various eastern poets
dress your family in corduroy and denim - david sedaris
a people's history of the united states - howard zinn
international women's stories - obviously various authors
from totems to hip-hop (poetry anthology) - again various
the satanic verses - salman rushdie

i could not be more excited about reading all of those (and am a bit embarrassed that i haven't read some of them before now) and feel quite like a child on christmas morning. now comes the hard part - picking which to read first. i know that i will save satanic verses for the summer so that i can truly devote myself to it.

now i must go ready myself for diagramming sentences/being observed by my department head tomorrow. quite possibly the biggest nerd in the world right now, and completely happy with it.

social justice: something to think about...

excerpt from the leaflet at mass this morning:

"the people of judah suffered the destruction of everything dear to them: their city, their goods and riches, their lives and dear ones, and finally they endured exile in a foreign land. we in america cannot imagine ourselves taken prisoners and exiled to a foreign land because it has never happened to us, although it happens every day to people in other lands, as they are made refugees by the evil done to them by others. we need to face the hard question: is some of that evil being done in our name?

we will be judged in the end, not just as individuals, but as a people. what do our works in the world say about us? can we avoid the judgment that we are as bad as those whome we claim do us evil?"

signs, signs everywhere

my luck with men has done a 180 in the past two weeks or so. several positive interactions with new and old/forgotten guys have helped me change my outlook on dating. phone numbers and compliments have been given and in turn have made me feel better about who i am in relation to the opposite sex. i don't really understand what it is that has sparked this new interest on their part, but it probably has something to do with the fact that i was doing the complete opposite of looking for someone. now don't get me wrong, most of these guys have not been relationship material simply because they aren't my type. but i think that isn't the purpose they were meant to serve. even if for just a brief moment, they made me feel funny, clever and attractive. it's been quite a pleasant change and i think in some ways it's God's way of saying "you're better than you think and should expect as much from a guy." man, is that horribly cocky of me to think God would take time from creating babies and saving lives to say that to me? i hope not. but trust me, the ego is definitely still in check regardless of any new occurrences.

we do dorky things

we do dorky things
Originally uploaded by marmahan.

to sum up my spring break: fantastic. i went to a beautiful wedding in dallas with tess on saturday. we stayed at the nicest hotel i have ever been in (and probably ever will be in). the bride was radiant, the groom was beaming and the family was dancing up a storm. all in all the way a wedding should be.

my time in austin was awesome. tess and i drove in on sunday and stayed with sidora (who i miss to a ridiculous extent and for whom i could not be more thankful). we spent monday wandering around south congress as i predicted and drinking margaritas at trudy's. the rest of my time was consumed with playing in parks, eating good food and repeatedly getting lost. i discovered that talking to strangers can be a very good thing and got a tab picked up because of a simple conversation.

however, yesterday topped it all. we met up with robyn and got to see some awesome free day shows at SXSW. i'm now obsessed with a little duo from brooklyn called "matt and kim." kim was the happiest woman i've ever seen and that coupled with her amazing drummer arms caused me to develop quite the woman crush on her. but either way, i suggest you check them out. after the shows we went on a mission for mexican food. jensem had taken me to las manitas before and since it's very close to kev's apartment, we strolled right over. turns out it was a much better idea than i could've imagined. some record label or band or group with SXSW was having a private, free dinner. we didn't know any better and the guy working there told us that "if you don't know, then i don't know" and to " just go for it." so we did. and we got free fajitas, tamales and beer. totally sweet.

so after all that, it completely blows that i'm stuck back in lubbock again. the time there made me feel like i was home and i couldn't be more ready to move there. i've already decided i'm moving with or without a job. perhaps not the smartest move, but i just have this certainty that it's where i'm meant to be. just a few more months though.

in austin

and happy. you can find me wandering around south congress with a huge smile on my face for the next few days.

oh to be tiny once more

although men in general aren't at the top of my list these days, a group of them is. i've fallen deeply, madly and passionately in love with the roots. you should as well. i purchased "home grown! the beginner's guide to understanding the roots" and it is phenomenal. last night my dad and i jammed out to it with a glass of wine (highly recommended).

in other news, tess and i decided we wish we were still in kindergarten. this decision is based mostly on the following story from my sister: today one of her students spat on another student in line. we're talking dripping spit. when asked why he did so, his response was (through tears) "i don't know, it seemed like a good idea." if only that excuse still worked for me, my life would be so much easier. and although i wish i was 5 years old again, i do not believe that i could ever teach those little monsters. every natural impulse in my body stands in direct opposition to what you are supposed to do while molding those little minds. take the aforementioned situation, for instance. my response would have gone something like "yeah, you're right. he does kind of suck. spit away."

done wrong

perhaps i'm just a freak, but i like to think that everyone feels this way at some point. right now i'm just not myself. nothing fits, nothing works. i'm in a funk and i don't know how to get out of it. but what scares me is that i fear i may be becoming truly bitter.

this weekend i met a man through a friend of a friend. older, outgoing, intelligent, outofmyleagueattractive, funny (thought i was funny), good taste in music/books/film, etc. a nice enough guy, probably a very nice guy, but all i could think while talking to him was "liar." he had no reason to be untruthful with me, i had no reason to think that he was. for some reason though, i watched his lips move and did not believe a word that was said. when he tried to relate to me, to be kind, to sympathize my response was "dude, you don't even know me." kind hand extended and my firm refusal time and again. (my thought process essentially went something like this: you are a man, this is your job. get me to drop my guard and then sucker punch me. nice try but no thanks.)

i think sometimes i pride myself on not being fully understood. i like to pretend i'm complex and unique and intriguing. but i don't want to be so complex that i don't even understand myself. unfortunately, that's where i am right now.

seriously this is getting ridiculous

i love my friends and i'm very happy for them, but if one more person gets engaged i'm going to have to gouge my eyes out.