THE decision

i sit here with my absentee ballot lying on my desk. i'll have to make a mad dash in the morning to send it overnight mail back to lubbock. before that can happen, i still have one more bubble to fill in - my choice for president. this is the second presidential election i'll participate in and i have to say it's much harder this time around. during my first one i was an 18 year old conservative, fresh from home. don't get me wrong, i wasn't completely uninformed. it's just that all of my information was very one-sided. i mean come on, that was back when i still thought rush limbaugh was worth listening to.

but now i sit here as a much more well-informed 22 year old moderate. (this will be the first year i vote for any democrat. stenholm will be my choice for district 19 rep in the u.s. house.) speaking from experience, i know that knowledge does not always bring clarity. i've heard a lot of information from a lot of different sources - bbc, cnn, nbc, ny times, wall street journal and even the dreaded fox news. there are so many issues involved in this kind of decision that it almost makes my head hurt. national security, health care, education, civil liberties, war, abortion....abortion. it's the one thought that keeps popping up in my head. it's the issue, my issue. i'm not quite a one-issue voter, but i come pretty damn close.

so then i have to get an email throwing my catholic responsibility into that crazy pile of stuff. the u.s. conference of catholic bishops developed a list of ten questions catholic voters should be asking themselves in this election season. i think the list should be pretty universal and at least warrants some consideration by everyone.

1. after september 11, how can we build not only a safer world, but a better world?more just, more secure, more peaceful, more respectful of human life and dignity?

2. how will we protect the weakest in our midst--innocent unborn children? How will our nation resist what pope john paul II calls a "culture of death"? How can we keep our nation from turning to violence to solve some of its most difficult problems--abortion to deal with difficult pregnancies; the death penalty to combat crime; euthanasia and assisted suicide to deal with the burdens of age, illness, and disability; and war to address international disputes?

3. how will we address the tragic fact that more than 30,000 children die every day as a result of hunger, international debt, and lack of development around the world, as well as the fact that the younger you are, the more likely you are to be poor here in the richest nation on Earth?

4. How can our nation help parents raise their children with respect for life, sound moral values, a sense of hope, and an ethic of stewardship and responsibility? How can our society defend the central institution of marriage and better support families in their moral roles and responsibilities, offering them real choices and financial resources to obtain quality education and decent housing?

5. How will we address the growing number of families and individuals without affordable and accessible health care? How can health care better protect human life and respect human dignity?

6. How will our society combat continuing prejudice, overcome hostility toward immigrants and refugees, and heal the wounds of racism, religious bigotry, and other forms of discrimination?

7. How will our nation pursue the values of justice and peace in a world where injustice is common, desperate poverty widespread, and peace is too often overwhelmed by violence?

8. What are the responsibilities and limitations of families, community organizations, markets, and government? How can these elements of society work together to overcome poverty, pursue the common good, care for creation, and overcome injustice?

9. When should our nation use, or avoid the use of, military force--for what purpose, under what authority, and at what human cost?

10. How can we join with other nations to lead the world to greater respect for human life and dignity, religious freedom and democracy, economic justice, and care for God's creation?

in the end, i think my choice this year will be just that: my choice. i'm not going to tell you who i'm voting for or who i think you should vote for. just vote your conscience.

can somebody tell me

why anyone pays attention to paris hilton or finds her entertaining? every time i see her she just seems ignorant, self-absorbed, materialistic and like an all around bad person. i don't care how much money her father has or how 'great' her sense of style is (cause if you ask me, she looks like a 10 cent hooker), she has done nothing in her life to merit the level of attention she gets. i think she's a sign of what's wrong with our culture. in fact, she doesn't even deserve this little post.

so to make sure this isn't a complete waste: it makes me laugh when celebrities/politicians/the local crazy man on the corner say they just want people to get out and vote. of course they don't really mean that. what they mean to say is 'please go vote for my guy. if you're gonna vote for the other guy, just stay home and do us all a favor.' the other thing that's silly about the entire focus of this election is that most people are ignoring congressional races. this country is run by a lot more than just a president. so do everyone a favor and learn about all your future representatives. and yes, i really do mean that.

to end on a more positive note, another story. last weekend mike and i were driving on the tollway. a car we were passing was noticably lower on the driver's side. i pointed this out to mike and said i wondered what was wrong with it. his response was 'it has a bad left side'. whoaa there buddy. slow down with your high tech automotive jargon.

miss kylie espinoza

kylie will be 4 months old tomorrow. i think she may be a future politician, cause she definitely has the hand guestures down.

in honor of her beauty, i want to invite you all to something. a speaker from feminists for life is coming to the A&M campus on november 9th in 301 rudder tower. now the name might be confusing to some. it's not 'feminists for life' like 'feminists por vida esse', but like 'feminists who are pro-life'. ffl really has a unique and thought-provoking position. i would LOVE to have company, especially anyone who is pro-choice. i promise it's not in your face and would be interesting to anyone. so show up or get in touch with me.

election night will be pointless....

Election Day is less than a week away, but Americans may not know the winner for days, if not weeks, after the polls close.

Never before have states faced so many ballots that won't be counted until after Election Day. This year will see the first nationwide use of provisional ballots, for voters whose eligibility is questioned at the polls. How those ballots are counted has already been a matter of dispute. And with participation expected to be high, states are bracing for an unprecedented number of absentee, early-voting, military and overseas ballots that in some states could total more than one-third of votes.

Both campaigns' legal teams are focusing on real and potential problems plaguing a number of states including Ohio, Florida, and five other crucial states. Republicans are poised to challenge voters' legal status, suspecting Democratic fraud. Republicans generally have an interest in damping participation: Larger turnouts typically suggest greater participation from infrequent and downscale voters who tend to vote Democratic.

Democrats are on alert to counter with charges of voter intimidation and civil-rights violations. The potential for confrontations has election officials scrambling to enlist extra police and marshals while at the same time trying to recruit enough workers to handle the expected hordes.

A quagmire like the Florida recount in 2000 would only happen in another close race, one that gives neither candidate a clear majority of Electoral College votes and leaves both fighting for states where results remain uncertain.

"I am really, really worried," says Doug Lewis of the nonpartisan Election Center, an advisory clearinghouse for election officials. "We're all on our knees -- 'Dear Lord, let the winner win big, whoever it is.' "

i want to carve a pumpkin.

there's a little kink in my music

you know how you can just zone out sometimes when listening to music? especially when it serves as a background for some more important task, like let's say, writing a paper about a cheech marin movie. yeah, so i've had one of those kind of songs on my winamp for months now. normally i'm really good at picking up on lyrics and meanings of songs. hell, i'm so freaking obsessive about my music that i learn most songs within a day or two. but tonight i had a rude awakening when i actually caught the opening lines to this masterpiece of acoustic goodness. the guitar gently sang out in lullaby-like fashion and the sweet serenade of masculine voice began......

"the milk from your breast is on my lips". this may not sound so risque to some of you, and for that i shame you. well maybe not shame, but at least cast suspicious glances in your general direction. that and never let you near my offspring. i'm no prude, but i'm just not into the whole oedipal thing. (yes, i just set myself up for that one, but let's be creative here boys, no obvious jokes.) i will not however share the title or artist of the aforementioned song on the hallowed ground that is my little piece of the internet. all of you filthy bastards would only taint the beauty of the song by using it for it's dirty words.

barrel o' monkeys

so i just wrote an entire post about how unevenly politically correct terms are applied and how they tend to be extremely inaccurate. but then i decided it sucked so you get this instead: another dallas story. orly and i went to a show at ad libs on friday night. i would say it was well worth the money i paid. i can say that because orly was my sugar-mama all weekend and paid for my ticket. but anyways, the improv comedy troupe was doing a skit that within the realm of fish camp is commonly known as the sphinx. (3 people get on stage as an all-knowing being and answer audience questions via one word responses from each member.) so the inevitable question is asked: why are there no women in your comedy troupe? the reply: women. aren't. funny. laugh it up chauvinist pigs. we all know it isn't true, because if you've spent any extended period of time with me then you know i'm freakin hilarious.

next topic: this week at work i'm playing a fun game. it's called see-how-much-crap-martha-can-severely-and-irreversibly-screw-up. both of my bosses are at an IT conference in colorado which leaves me as the sole source of computer support for the southern plains area (20 locations in texas, new mexico, arkansas, oklahoma and panama) of the agricultural research service. (that could be a bit of an exaggeration, but it makes me feel important.) i'm glad i've embraced this new found responsibility by taking time to post on my blog. sure hope they don't read this thing.

new feature

i added links which can be found below and to the left. i'm particularly excited because i figured this out on my own. so check out those guys, although some of them don't post nearly as often as they should.

he's just not that into you

By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Chapter One: he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out
Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.

Now you begin the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in.

The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?

Jodi

Dear Friendly Girl,

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster — but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "f*** buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves — we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of — and I say this with a lot of love — is how not attracted to you he is.


in my trip to dallas this past weekend, i picked up some meaningful insight from orly. she had an oprah episode taped that featured this book. it really gets to the core of the differences between men and women. women read into things, make excuses and dance around the issue. men don't. it's pretty much that simple. for some reason, women refuse to believe that men are less complex. we try to figure out what y'all really mean when your actions are completely self explanatory.

so i ordered the book and i'm already altering my approach to dating/men. no more analyzing every conversation or action (cause girls, you know we all do it), no more holding out hope for guys i never had and definitely no more settling for less than i deserve. because like the author said, set your standards at a high level and the right guy will want to raise himself to them.
(women, go buy the book.)

joshua radin (which means dreamy in marthaspeak)

has a song called 'girlfriend in a coma' and i'm not sure if i should like it. it sounds so sweet and innocent, that i think i'm missing the deep message behind it.

some of the lyrics are 'girlfriend in a coma, i know, i know its really serious/there are times when i could have murdered her/but you know i would hate anything to happen to her/no i don't want to see her/do you really think she'll pull through'

can anyone explain this to me? and yes, i have nothing better to do than sit around and contemplate the lyrics of some obscure artist.

i call myself a feminist...

but what does that really mean? i know i've been asked that question more times than i can count. for me, it's never been about bra burning, hating men or some sexual revolution that happened in the 70s. it has been, however, about feeling empowered whenever i see a strong woman and angry when i see a woman made weak by her circumstances. any man who thinks women have a 'place' (and that place is the home) instantly loses my respect. yet, i do not think that i deserve extraordinary treatment simply because of my sex. all i ask is the same as a man. i also think that becoming a homemaker is a noble and difficult lifetask.

so does that make me a feminist? my plan is to find out. through my interaction with feminists for life, i'm discovering more of the early feminists' words. they are truly inspiring and courageous women. in a time when they were considered property if married and nothing if single, they rose up and called upon to society to correct those grave injustices. they are the reason i, and countless other females, are able to get an education, to vote, to own property and to live a life of freedom. if i want to claim their legacy, i have to know their history.

to begin my quest i've reached back to 1792. mary wollstonecraft's work a vindication of the rights of woman b is surprisingly relevant still. while it's a stern reprimand for society in general, wollstonecraft's main criticisms are directed at women themselves. after all, who better to improve our own circumstances? a few of my favorite quotes:

"...until the manners of the times are changed, and formed on more reasonable principles, it may be impossible to convince them that the illegitimate power which they obtain by degrading themselves is a curse, and that they must return to nature and equality if they wish to secure the placid satisfaction that unsophisticated affections impart."

"but in the education of women, the cultivation of the understanding is always subordinate to the acquirement of some corporeal accomplishment."

"strengthen the female mind by enlarging it, and there will be an end to blind obedience; but as blind obedience is ever sought for by power, tyrants and sensualists are in the right when they endeavor to keep woman in the dark, because the former only want slaves, and the latter a play thing. the sensualist, indeed, has been the most dangerous of tyrants, and women have been duped by their lovers, as princes by their ministers, whilst dreaming that they reigned over them."

the most common response: ewwwwwwwwww, the dog licked you!

show and tell

so cute you could eat them.

scroll to the bottom

and see how jon stewart's a badass.


CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

weekend recap

trips to lubbock never fail to be eventful. my dad and i drove home together thursday afternoon and had a nice little dinner with the fam. right after we all finished eating we heard screeching tires and a loud crash. first thought that entered my mind: it did NOT happen again. my car could not have been run into just sitting on the street for the second time in 5 months.

so the family ran outside, there was a white tahoe in the yard across the street and a maroon blazer gushing gasoline and smoking in the middle of the street. the woman driving the blazer was bleeding from her head, but everyone else was ok. we live in a wonderfully close neighborhood, so of course everyone in a two block radius was outside within minutes. that is, except for the woman who had a tahoe in her yard. she didn't come outside until the ambulance and firetruck had gone and the cars had both been towed. i guess what cued her into the fact that a big accident had happened in her front lawn was when the police officer was fluffing up her grass.

moving on, friday morning i visited lubbock high for the first time since graduation. in one word: weird. the kids are young, most of the teachers i knew are gone, and there are actually teachers close to my age. then i headed over to my old elementary to visit my sister's kindergarten class (she's a teacher, not a student). i could never teach that age. they did so much random crap that made me laugh at the most inappropriate times. example: the kids are all sitting on the carpet waiting to get in line for break. my sister kat: "anyone who pulled their blurt slip today has to sit by me at break." her student austin: "i didn't pull mine today!" kat: "you just did." austin: "no, i haven't pulled it at all!" kat: "you just talked out of turn, go pull it." i seriously had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. they're just so stinkin cute. but i did gain a completely new level of respect for elementary teachers, they really are saints.

friday i got to hang with my l's (tess and callie). i'll never find friends like my girls from back home.

the family is wonderful as always, and i'm afraid to say it, but i think i may be ready to move back. yeee, never thought i'd feel this way. i'll post pictures later and maybe another story. now i must sleep.

observations from the debate

watching dumb and dumber right now in my dad's hotel room. things i've thought about and/or noticed:

*at one point cheney lifted his legal bad so you could see the back. i was really hoping it was gonna say 'john edwards is a douche', alas it did not.

*cheney: 'no gwen, i do not. at the time i said that i was drunk.' ok, so he didn't say drunk, but it've been funnier if he did.

*when they said cleveland's unemployment rate was 31%, my dad's response was 'close it!'.... as in the city.

*these guys can't stay on topic to save their lives. that means they're good politicians.

*i tried to access www.factcheck.org right after cheney mentioned it, but it was definitely down. guess half the other people watching had the same idea.

*they should just let the two of them duke it out. or have a knife fight. edwards is young and fiesty, but cheney is old and crotchety. i think it'd be a good match up.

*i wouldn't be surprised if cheney kicks puppies.

*it makes me laugh when either side of this debate talk about millionaires as though the term doesn't apply to them.

*my dad just measured the beds by walking like peewee herman. he's my hero.

vote if you know accurate information. do not just listen to your parents and ABSOLUTELY do not just listen to the politicians. politicians are just professional liars. kind of like actors but less attractive. well, except for steve buscemi.

i'm a jerk

this post is going to make me sound like a huge wench. i know, i'm an awful person but just hear me out.

so in my advanced syntax and rhetoric class we're writing analytical essays and doing peer reviews. sunday night i was reading the paper of a girl in my group and literally had to stop commenting. it was so bad that i felt mean even though i wasn't marking everything i thought should be changed. the girl used 'shady' as an adjective, and she wasn't describing a tree. this morning as i walked to class, i tried to figure out what on earth i was going to say to this girl when we were face to face.

we exchanged papers and i tried not to make eye contact. (now keep in mind, my writing on this piece of crap is by no means representative of my school work.) glancing over my paper i notice the comments that the aforementioned girl wrote in the margins. to begin with, some of them were blatant grammatical errors. furthermore, how am i supposed to even read corrections from someone whose paper looked like something i wrote in sixth grade?

i'm not saying i wrote a perfect paper, but it was at least appropriate for the class. her writing wouldn't have bothered me so much if it weren't a senior level english class.

end rant.

ri-dic-ulous

attention: this year, texas a&m's freshman class is made entirely of 12 year olds. it's a fact.

also: mtv sucks. they've almost managed to convince me NOT to vote this fall. apparently the way to motivate young voters is to make them choose between voting and having pdiddy pop a cap in their proverbial asses. give me a freaking break.