blatant cheating count for first major paper: 5. one of whom is a repeat from last week, two of whom are stepsisters. I CANNOT STAND CHEATING. i loathe it. flagrant cheating, however, makes me foam at the mouth. not only do you lack integrity, but you also seem to think i lack the intelligence to catch you. i was onto you a paragraph, if not a sentence into your paper. do you even know what impiety means?? grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
tonight on grey's anatomy one of the characters tells another that she is a "breath of fresh air" and that he "felt like he was drowning and she saved him." my reaction: HA! what a liar. yes, i can feel it - true love is around the corner for me.
6 weeks grade check means ruining students' eligibility for all those super important high school activities such as band or athletics or UIL nerd competitions. you know, all those things they're REALLY in school for, because they certainly aren't there to get an education. thursday afternoon i had several teary-eyed 10th graders invading my room looking for any way to raise their grades. any way that didn't involve actual work, that is.
"please miss mahan, what can i do to pass? what can i do that doesn't involve coming in after school or doing any extra work?"
now i know that in the touchy feely age of education, i'm supposed to take them all in my arms and tell them that i will fix everything for them. but here was my response:
"you can do your work when it's assigned. you can pay attention and ask questions in class. you can come in for extra help before or after school. you can stop writing notes and/or visiting with buddies. you can make up failing grades when i offer the opportunity. you can write papers for extra credit. finally, you can come to me earlier than the day before grades are due to discuss problems. i have no sympathy for those of you who have wasted the time i've given you, not turned in assignments and generally blown off my class."
this week was my first breaking point. i was tired of feeling guilty for students' lack of intrinsic motivation. sick of butting my head against walls by trying to undo what society has done to them. saddened by the attitude given me by students caught cheating. frustrated with kids who want to be given everything after doing nothing. i no longer wanted to be the nice guy.
but then, 5 kids restored my faith in the learning process. they spent an hour and a half in my room after school working on their rough drafts. we worked step by step, forming coherent arguments in essay format. when they left my room they were all smiling and laughing, confident in their ability to complete the assignment. there's nothing in the world like that lightbulb moment when you can see that your kids get it. they REALLY get it.
i had some big failures this week, some things that seriously made me question my ability as a teacher. but then there were the good moments - when a few of my kids totally understood plato's "allegory of the cave"; conversations with kids who had reached their breaking points and who appreciated hearing that someone cares; watching one of my hardest working but lowest achieving kids write an awesome thesis statement.
i'm sorry that this thing has become completely consumed by my job. honestly, there isn't much else going on in my life. i'm awesome like that.
final thoughts: the rita catastrophe was funny to watch. i'm not talking about the weather, but the media's desperate attempt to cover its ass when the storm dissipated. oh network news, you only made yourselves look sillier.
this week better than ezra helped me rediscover my singing voice in the car. for some reason, i'd stopped singing during my commute. not quite sure why it happened, but it was nice to belt out those lyrics again.
planning trips to far away and exotic places. updates to come. hope all is well in your lives my loves.
why did i almost cry today because of two kids who cheated on my quiz? i mean, that's just absurd.
i owe an apology to a lot of people who i've been semi-ignoring since i've moved to lubbock. living here makes me feel very isolated from anyone and everyone on the other side of the state. if you fit into this category, please accept my deepest and completely lazy apologies. i am going to try to do better. i pinky swear.
this week has been an interesting one. i had to give a zero to a kid for talking during a quiz and he told me it was "bullshit". oh really? how about some in-school suspension you little cocky jerk? is that some "bullshit"?
then tonight, i was watching my brother and his friends (my parents are in italy for 14 days, damn them) and they decided to dress up silly and go walk around the grocery store. this is a HUGE step for my too-cool-for-school brother and his friends. silliness is always a plus. we went and giggled and took pictures and had fun...at least until a cop came out and threatened to arrest us all. i won't get into the details right now (mostly because i'm too pissed for words), but i will say that the cop managed to look only at the 3 young black men in the car. i will do my best to have that man tarred and feathered in the town square. antiquated, yes. but at least it matches his beliefs. bastard.
i will be casting a vote for kinky friedman for governor in 2006. you should take the pledge and vote for him too.
http://www.kinkyfriedman.com/pledge/
i mean come on, anyone whose campaign has shirts like this has to be awesome. https://www.kinkyfriedman.com/shop/product_info.php?cPath=21&products_id=81
the past two days have been relatively lovely. yesterday afternoon i returned from a sometimes awkward but generally beautiful trip to college station that made me truly appreciate lubbock weather. i waited happily outside the airport in 80-something degree weather with a nice cool/dry breeze. if i could find a place with austin's aura and lubbock's weather, i would be in utter bliss. i'm very ready for fall to bring it's changing leaves and argile sweaters...but that's another post.
last night we celebrated my dad's 50th year on this amazing place and i thoroughly enjoyed stuffing myself with food, drinks and friends. i could not be more thankful for that phenomenal man. ever. after the party i partook in some crappy movie watching/much needed hugging with my womens. again, persons without whom my life would not and could not be the same.
today, my sister and i made the trip to plainview to submit my 3-week grade check. she was immeasurably helpful and kept me from bursting into tears of frustration by difusing the situation with laughter. some of my kids will be pleased with themselves this week and others will rue the day they were placed in the evil ms. mahan's english class. grammar tests shall abound.
tonight i discovered old track habits die hard. i hadn't run on an actual track in years, but all the same rules apply and it still feels like home. it was refreshing, even though tess completely put me to shame. thankfully, she made up for it by asking me to be her date to her brother's wedding. a hardy party? why yes, i do believe i will attend.
the other huge highlight of yesterday: catching up with dearest jen. a trip to san fransisco with flowers in my hair is definitely in the works.
at times, i feel intensely childish - i'm just a little girl playing at adulthood. my poor judgment and ability to create the most impossible of situations never cease to amaze me. it's almost as though i seek out ways to make myself unhappy. in my mind, i'll build up expectations and develop intricate scenarios, somehow convincing myself that they will become reality. when my fantasies crumble, i pretend i'm surprised. it's a pattern that i've hoped i'd outgrow for some time now. a big part of me is entirely too ready for it to end, to find my future in someone amazing and begin planting my roots. but then there's still that little voice in the back of my head that longs to move far away from here and continue to behave foolishly for a while. it's an ongoing battle and i can only hope that the former will win out over the latter soon enough.
