twenty something going on five

at times, i feel intensely childish - i'm just a little girl playing at adulthood. my poor judgment and ability to create the most impossible of situations never cease to amaze me. it's almost as though i seek out ways to make myself unhappy. in my mind, i'll build up expectations and develop intricate scenarios, somehow convincing myself that they will become reality. when my fantasies crumble, i pretend i'm surprised. it's a pattern that i've hoped i'd outgrow for some time now. a big part of me is entirely too ready for it to end, to find my future in someone amazing and begin planting my roots. but then there's still that little voice in the back of my head that longs to move far away from here and continue to behave foolishly for a while. it's an ongoing battle and i can only hope that the former will win out over the latter soon enough.