a little of this a little of that

today i have to take time to remind myself of things. like the fact that my students are not fortunate enough to have the background that i have. and the fact that not all of them are trying to drive me to an early grave. but i swear, by the time we had a lockdown and i was having to explain to children why they needed to shut their mouths (i.e. so we didn't get shot to hell), i was about ready to strangle a child. in the figurative sense of course. i have been working 12-15 hour days and working at my school at least once a weekend since school started. i woke up this morning and thought it was thursday because i have no sense of a weekend anymore. i live, eat, breath, dream teaching and today on my way home i can honestly say that i didn't feel i loved it. i hate that because my job is my life and i love children so much more than most things in this world. but these babies, oh these babies can be tiring and trying.

last week i prevented a fight in my classroom with the help of 3 other adults, one of whom had to physically restrain a child before he rushed me from behind. i spent the rest of that day dealing with an administrator that said he wasn't going to give those boys any punishment. subsequently i told that admin that it was simply was not acceptable behavior and that he would give those boys in school suspension. i had to help in breaking up a fight after school one day and then helped prevent some apparent gang activity the next. (i guess the good part of all that is i'm learning to assert myself even better.) and on top of all that, these children spell "went" "whent" and "bears" "bers."

but then i have to remember the good stuff. there was this heart-wrenching moment with a child on friday. we were discussing the theme of a story and talking about hardships in life. he mentioned death as a hardship and then told me and his group that his mother died last year. it really did almost bring tears to my eyes. when i called him over to my desk after class, i thanked him for sharing that with me and told him to let me know if he needed anything. this sweet, sweet child said "yes ma'am" and then reached down to hug me. i love that baby. he tries really hard in my class even though he's very low academically and he is one of the most polite students i have. he is what makes teaching feel worth while.

excuuuuuuuuuse me

today i had a child ask to use the phone so that he could call his mother because she told him to call her whenever a teacher wasn't handling a situation "correctly." this was just after i had placed him in time out and THEN had a talk in the hallway because he had been cursing and telling people on the other side of the room he was going to fight them. apparently he thought that making him think about his actions and come up with alternative behaviors was too harsh. why, why, why do parents equip their children with egos the size of montana and then send them off to my classroom all day? i grew up being told that when it comes down to the teacher versus me, the teacher always wins by default. i miss the good old days of my youth. :)

i like cheese

today, one class of children tried to guess my age. they started with 23, immediately moved on to 42, and then hovered around in the 30s even AFTER i told them i was born in the 80s (math is obviously not our strong suit). it was endearing.

i have a child that looks JUST like gusgus from cinderella. yes, he is round and brown and freaking adorable. no, he does not carry stacks of cheese between his hands and chin, no matter how much i wish he would. he has this high pitched voice and an accent that turns "this" into "thees." and his thinking face, oh his thinking face. when he concentrates he looks like the most innocent and earnest angel God ever made. i want to squeeze his cheeks and keep him as a pet every time i see him. sometimes he's so sweet i have this urge to eat him like a cupcake. outside of class i call him only by the name gusgus, so inevitably, i almost called him that in class last week. that could have been tragic.

i've had some great interactions with kiddos over the last week. my fighters returned on friday and have been dutiful, polite students. i have praised them for the change repeatedly. it really is true that children respond to positive feedback so much more than they do to the negative. i've been doling out high-fives for good work and you would be presently surprised to see how that simple act makes them smile.

i love my job.

addendum:

how do i know i'm old? the answer is threefold.

today i met with a financial planner type to set up my retirement planning. 403(b), baby.

more than once in the past week i have been in my bed either reading a book or watching pride and prejudice (thebestmovieofalltime) at 9:30. in the PM.

things in my body "pop" for no other apparent reason than the fact that i have moved from a sitting to a standing position.