love me some nilla wafers

i had the strangest thing happen to me today at the grocery store. this is not saying much because strange things generally do not happen to me on my trips to the grocery star. my standard shopping trip consists of baskets and avacados and dora the explorer yogurt and bagels. however today after i gather my items i found myself in line behind a very odd man. he wasn't odd in any of the normal austin ways like that he was wearing a tiger suit or rocking back and forth violently or even speaking some unique combination of farsi and pig latin. he was just odd in that general sense, you know, the serial killer/child molester sense. so there i was, in the 10 items or less line at my local HEB trying to avoid eye contact with this man. i carefully placed my products about two feet away from his on the conveyor belt AND placed the handy plastic divider between our groceries. none of that man's creepiness was going to sneak its way through the solid barrier i had erected. so i continued staring at trash magazines and wondering WHY on earth anyone cares if brad and angelina are going to randomly run into jen and vince at some hollywood party and WHERE on earth the inquirer found the batchildvampire. i casually glanced up to check the progress of mr creepy's purchase when i noticed that MY nilla wafers had been scanned and were awaiting bagging along with his latex gloves and blood stain remover and 20 mr goodyear bars. at first i thought it was a mistake and was about to politely point it out to the cashier when i suddenly remembered my strategery ( to borrow a word from mr. W). there is no way the cashier mistook MY nilla wafers for one of mr creepy's items unless he actuallly picked them up and moved them to the other side of the plastic barrier thingy. MY NILLA WAFERS! HE STOLE THEM*. WHO STEALS OTHER SHOPPERS' GROCERIES? better yet, WHO STEALS NILLA WAFERS? i was shocked and felt violated and icky. then i laughed, took it as a sign that i did not need calories from nilla wafers and drove home. but still, it's strange and strangely entertaining.


*i realize that this action does not technically constitute stealing since i had not yet purchased them. but they were clearly mine and i was clearly planning on paying good money and then enjoying their scrumptiousness for days on end. and have you eaten nilla wafers lately because they are amazing and will fill your heart with joy and make you feel like a 3 year old again. besides, it was still a crap move on his part.