big baby

believe it or not, i used to be the sensitive kid when i was little. every time my parents turned around, i was bawling my eyes out over something. some kid would make a small comment and the waterworks would kick in like never before. i would have to guess that a lot of it came from being the baby for the first 8.5 years of my life. you inherently get a lot of attention as the youngest. everyone is always so concerned about you and what on earth is making this sweet angel upset. well that and i was a freakin adorable little kid (see profile picture).

and then, the little brother was born. my mom tells me that when i found out she was pregnant i actually asked her why i wasn't good enough...and so began the middle child syndrome. after james was born, nobody seemed to care as much if i was crying and suddenly it became "whining" (whatever that means). my older sister was tough with a go-get-em attitude and practically never partook in my childish antics. so, as time went on i became less and less sensitive. actually, that really isn't true; deep down i think i probably am the same person. i just started to express it outwardly less.

so now as an adult, i just have this really healthy build up of frustration every few months. recently with the moving and finishing my master's and not having a job, there's already been this nice base level of emotion, but lately a lot of the people i love most have done relatively small things that hurt me and tonight i exploded. tears flowed publicly like they haven't in quite a while and i was instantly returned to my childhood, wishing i was the baby so people found my emotion more appropriate.

but now, i can look forward to the move tomorrow (at 5 am by the way) and know that things WILL be better when i get to austin. i can already feel it.