your mountain's waiting

Red 5/6
Originally uploaded by marmahan.

yesterday and today i said a final goodbye to my kiddos (we're on block scheduling). their final exam was short and sweet and MOST of them passed for the year. we read oh the places you'll go by dr. seuss. i told my up dog joke* - eyes rolled, hands slapped desks and a chorus of groans yelled "miss maaaaaaaaaayhaaaaan." several kids gave me flowers, cards and pictures (highlight of my year- no joke) and my white board was littered with well wishes. we took both serious and goofy class pictures. i shared my "teacher" email and myspace, then i made them all line up before the bell to give me a hug before they left. when the bell rang, they all shuffled out the door yelling "good luck" and "we'll miss you."

i didn't cry in front of the kids even once...until the last period of today. i watched everyone leave my classroom and then turned to find 3 of my kids sitting on desks behind me. when i got to them i saw that the girls had tears in their eyes and they told me they didn't want to leave. so of course i lost it. geez these kids are ridiculously awesome and they don't even know it. but anyway, after my girls said their goodbyes, i sat down to read a card another girl had given me.

she is a student that had a lot of trouble last semester. we've spent a few frustrating afternoons and mornings trying to work things out for her. i had always felt that i hadn't quite done what i needed to do for her and i've harbored a lot of guilt because of it. in fact, i wasn't even sure that she liked all that much. i would assume most first year teachers have doubts about the job they're doing and whether their kids learn anything at all. this card that she gave me took away any ounce of doubt i had. here's what she wrote:

"ms. mahan, i just wanted to thank you for a great year, it was both fun and interesting. you're a great teacher, you're smart, easy to talk to and have a good sense of humor. if i didn't have a teacher like you, i probably wouldn't have passed the TAKS. you make me feel smart when you give me help, that's not something every teacher does. you also had the patience to stay after school with me when you could have been doing something else. i find that very considerate. it's sad that you couldn't stay and have to move to austin. it's not every day you find a teacher that makes learning fun and worth while. this card is not enough for what you have done for me, but it is a small token from the bottom of my heart. thanks for the great year, God bless you and good luck in austin."

um, hi. my name is martha and i'm a horrible mess each time i read that card. she gave me every single compliment i could ever wish for as a teacher. it is heart-wrenching. but in a good way if that's possible. when i entered this profession i knew that i wouldn't reach every child and i couldn't fix all their problems. i repeated the mantra "if i reach even just one child, that's enough." looks like i can call this year a success.



*up dog joke (jen, you'll recognize this from fish camp):

"do you guys smell that?"
"what? what's it smell like?"
"it smells....it smells just like up dog."
"what's up dog?"
"nothin much, what's up with you?"