what have i been up to

summer is making me feel like tiny kid again. i've swam more this june than i had in the past 4 years. i'm reading voraciously. (see attached picture) i run with the puppy. i eat fruit and dora the explorer yogurt. i go see plays and bands. (again see attached pictures) generally, i have a wonderful and relaxing time. at least for the next 3 weeks or so.


daily view
Originally uploaded by marmahan.

melodrama in the park
Originally uploaded by marmahan.

as the younger, smaller and blonder version of me, i LOVED going to see the play in the park. we'd boo the villain, cheer the hero, throw popcorn and run around like crazy folk. as i expected, the adult experience isn't nearly as fun but it was still good.




and the element
Originally uploaded by marmahan.

chicago john and the element is probably the best band in lubbock. definitely the best band of their type. so when we pulled up to la diosa last night and saw they were playing, we literally screamed "yaaaay." the first time we saw them, however, our reaction was not the same. a lot of the time some really shady people hang out around la diosa asking for money on your way in. the lead singer walked through the door alone and we seriously thought he was a pimp. i mean look at what he wears. and he does look a whole hell of a lot like snoop dogg. so we spent the first five minutes praying that the big pimp man wasn't going to come bug us. but then the rest of the band showed up in their matching outfits and we figured out that the only pimping they were doing was musical in nature. so yeah, they kick ass. except for last night....they were walking around talking to the crowd and i told a couple of members of the band that we loved them and thought their music was awesome. then halfway through the next song a woman with the band came over and handed us a piece of paper. it had the bass player's number on it. yes, the one with the "coming to america" jerry curl. so tess's ability to attract creepy men has reached an all time high. sweet.

so all that sums up my life right now. the next few weeks will bring a beck concert (yay) and a lot of packing (double yay).

but for a lack of providence

something that's always been a big problem for me: knowing when to keep my mouth shut and when to share my feelings. generally speaking, i get it wrong. i tend to run my mouth off and then spend a lot of time trying to do damage control. it isn't always mean things that i say. i have a horrible tendency to be entirely too open with my romantic feelings; i'll go for the guy, make the first move. and let me be the first to say that's never worked out well.

but then there are the things...the things i know will be hurtful to the other person. things that could permanently ruin friendships. by no means am i quick to say those things. they'll fester in the back of my mind for weeks, months until something triggers the line and they come rushing out.

it's a defense mechanism that's only pulled out on rare occasions. the older i get, the more i pay attention to who and what make me feel secure and happy and appreciated. sometimes i fight the reality of what's dragging me down. it's one of those stupid girl things. but in the past few weeks i have been genuinely happy and i realized that a lot of my stress had been eliminated by not talking to one person. i still don't like the idea that it has to be this way. but today when he tried to talk to me, it happened. i said the things. the terrible things huddled inside me that i knew were true, but i also knew were very hurtful. i hate the idea of burning bridges and i don't like revenge, but i have to think of myself. i just hope this time i made the right choice.

i hate posts like this but...

spent the night with the ladies. watched the gods must be crazy and appreciated the sociological significance much more than i did as a child. yet another film i highly suggest. if you are open-minded it will blow your mind and shatter concepts about the civilized world. if you aren't, it will at least make a dent and have you smiling in the mean time.

and now....i am feeling entirely too nostalgic. wine has a way of doing that to me. but at least i feel perfectly content seeking solace by slipping into bed in the world's most comfortable dress and cuddling up with a good book.

looks like i'm gonna have to move to vermont...

because i adore sarah vowell and would marry her if such things were possible and i was into chicks. alas, i am not.

my sister gave me her book partly cloudy patriot for my birthday and you should've seen my face. it's a collection of essays and it makes me very, very, VERY happy. there's nothing quite like finding an author or singer with whom you can connect. especially when you're weird like i am.

if you haven't seen thank you for smoking, run to your nearest theater. seriously. now. it was hilarious and made my heart warm.

last education post for a while...

what i was told is the funniest thing i said all year in class: "for example, if you walked in looking like someone had just run over your puppy and kicked your mom in the face and i said 'looks like you're in a great mood today,' that's verbal irony.

summer's been very good to me so far and over memorial day i had what was probably the best weekend in years. keep it comin.