you gave your body to the lowly

my lovely woman friends and i have decided that we have entered a social life slump. generally speaking, when we all go out for a night on the town, we go to the same places, drink the same things and dance to the same music. therefore we have called a moratorium on our old life. we're creating a master list of things to be done in austin and not stopping until we check them off. i have to say that i'm really super duper excited about the new life of adventure and REALLY experiencing this town. one of the most exciting developments, to me, is that we're going to make an earnest attempt to start hanging out with more men folk. it's odd to think that all the way through college i pretty much only hung out with guys. now i'm constantly surrounded by women, women i love and adore mind you, and although it is refreshing to have that group, i miss me some testosterone.

going along with the theme of out with the old, in with the new, i'm feeling like i'm in a new place spiritually and emotionally. there are some things that i have done/been doing over the past few months that have really been weighing me down and a complete source of icky feelings, to put it eloquently. tonight i went to a reconciliation service at church and made my first confession in 4 years. confession is a funny thing. i know i like it, i know i feel like 5 20-ton boulders have been lifted off of me after i actually speak those words out loud to another human being in front of God and then hear the words of forgiveness spoken. for some reason though, it's really hard to make myself go. i think that part of it is that as people we hate coming to terms with our own failures and mistakes. i always used to like to say that i have no regrets, but that's silly. there are things that i would change if i had them to do over again. things i've done and known that they were wrong while i was doing them. yes, i've learned and grown, but all the same i'd take them back if i could. and i think it's just really hard to admit that and to admit that i make huge screw ups and that i'm not always the person i'd like to be. our society is so focused on the idea that we're all wonderful and unique and that we should love ourselves to the point that we can't see our own faults. but i know i'm not perfect and that when i stop trying to make myself better or fix things that are problems in my behavior and choices, i will be in for some serious problems. i think coming to terms with that is the first step in changing and moving past it. so tonight, i feel like i've really left some baggage behind and that i can continue my life with a clean slate and an open heart. which is good, since i'm helping to lead a retreat for the youth at my church starting tomorrow.