a lifetime of bad choices
i have an uncle who has had just that. one of the earliest memories i have of him is just before he went to prison for cocaine. sitting around my grandparents' dining room table, everyone crying and saying their goodbyes. i was an emotional little kid and the whole thing was heart-wrenching for me. before this, my mother had apparently told him she didn't want him around my sister and i because his behavior scared us. i guess this is one of those memories from childhood you just block out.
later i remember sitting at a park with him and his new wife (both recovering alcoholics), listening to their advice..."never start smoking, it's impossible to stop".....then i remember when they both relapsed and practically abandoned their two young children. at 5, andie knew how to call the police if mommy and daddy were too drunk to take care of them. horrificly irresponsible behavior endangered the lives of my young cousins too many times and thankfully they both lost custody -at least temporarily.
eventually he and his children ended up moving back in with my grandparents. watching those little ones who had been through entirely too much before the age of 5 made me angry at my uncle. they have suffered and will continue to suffer for the rest of their lives because of his and his ex-wife's mistakes. (i hope and pray that they overcome their early life like their older brother did.)
now, he's almost 50 and has been living with my grandparents for the past few years. at holidays and family gatherings he stays in the back room or joins the group for short spats of defensive behavior. his drug/alcohol abuse and promiscuous youth left him with hepatitis C and cirrhosis. slowly, his health has been deteriorating.
he is an angry, bitter and extremely ill man. i think it's fair to say there isn't much in his life that he would be proud of. he has been less than a model father - he didn't even know one of my cousins existed until he was 10, the other two have been moved around through foster care and several family members' homes; he's been in several rehab programs for both drugs and alcohol, never able to fully kick both; he hasn't had a steady job in years; he did enough terrible things to another of my uncles to permanently strain their relationship; he's taken advantage of two of the most giving and loving people i've ever known, my grandparents,....the list could go on.
and now, his 40 some-odd years have amounted to him slowly and painfully dying in my grandparents' house. he desperately needs surgery but the hospital in oklahoma city can't schedule him until late july. his doctors say he won't live until then. he has no insurance, he has no options.
the hardest part of all this is that he has absolutely no relationship with God. his chances for redemption are quickly growing slim. i love this man. in spite of every failure, every bad decision, my family and i love him with all of our hearts. my grandparents have done everything they can for him, often against their better judgment, because that's what we do when we love unconditionally. we hate the actions, but we love the person. i completely believe that dan is worthy of redemption, more than that he's in desperate need of it. i fear that my uncle will die only knowing bitterness and doubt in his soul and not the peace and joy of a meaningful relationship with God. i've already lost one person like that who i dearly loved two years ago. i cannot stand the thought of it happening again.
so please, if you believe in this, pray for dan. pray that his heart will be softened, he will be humbled and realize that forgiveness is within his grasp - all he has to do is ask, and pray that he will find peace.
later i remember sitting at a park with him and his new wife (both recovering alcoholics), listening to their advice..."never start smoking, it's impossible to stop".....then i remember when they both relapsed and practically abandoned their two young children. at 5, andie knew how to call the police if mommy and daddy were too drunk to take care of them. horrificly irresponsible behavior endangered the lives of my young cousins too many times and thankfully they both lost custody -at least temporarily.
eventually he and his children ended up moving back in with my grandparents. watching those little ones who had been through entirely too much before the age of 5 made me angry at my uncle. they have suffered and will continue to suffer for the rest of their lives because of his and his ex-wife's mistakes. (i hope and pray that they overcome their early life like their older brother did.)
now, he's almost 50 and has been living with my grandparents for the past few years. at holidays and family gatherings he stays in the back room or joins the group for short spats of defensive behavior. his drug/alcohol abuse and promiscuous youth left him with hepatitis C and cirrhosis. slowly, his health has been deteriorating.
he is an angry, bitter and extremely ill man. i think it's fair to say there isn't much in his life that he would be proud of. he has been less than a model father - he didn't even know one of my cousins existed until he was 10, the other two have been moved around through foster care and several family members' homes; he's been in several rehab programs for both drugs and alcohol, never able to fully kick both; he hasn't had a steady job in years; he did enough terrible things to another of my uncles to permanently strain their relationship; he's taken advantage of two of the most giving and loving people i've ever known, my grandparents,....the list could go on.
and now, his 40 some-odd years have amounted to him slowly and painfully dying in my grandparents' house. he desperately needs surgery but the hospital in oklahoma city can't schedule him until late july. his doctors say he won't live until then. he has no insurance, he has no options.
the hardest part of all this is that he has absolutely no relationship with God. his chances for redemption are quickly growing slim. i love this man. in spite of every failure, every bad decision, my family and i love him with all of our hearts. my grandparents have done everything they can for him, often against their better judgment, because that's what we do when we love unconditionally. we hate the actions, but we love the person. i completely believe that dan is worthy of redemption, more than that he's in desperate need of it. i fear that my uncle will die only knowing bitterness and doubt in his soul and not the peace and joy of a meaningful relationship with God. i've already lost one person like that who i dearly loved two years ago. i cannot stand the thought of it happening again.
so please, if you believe in this, pray for dan. pray that his heart will be softened, he will be humbled and realize that forgiveness is within his grasp - all he has to do is ask, and pray that he will find peace.
1 Comments:
Though no life is a failure, many our filled with it. Your uncle has touched at least one person in life -- you.
"And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart , and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God."
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Michael Ward, at 9:29 PM
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